Parenting, Autism, & Stress

Parents are not the only ones trying their best to do everything asked of them while managing feelings of overwhelm and stress. Our children are too. Children with autism also face many challenges, and their levels of stress and overwhelm are also very high. Many children with autism are hypersensitive to the world around them. They often hear, see, and feel things more than others, and this hypersensitivity to their environment can overwhelm the nervous system and results in feeling stressed way more than calm.

There are numerous implications for the health and well-being of parents and children living with chronic stress. But there are things we can do now today to support our emotional, physical, and mental health. Have you ever noticed when you are tenser, your child is too? Or when your child is tense and upset, you are too? So how can you help yourself to destress and your child?

Deep breathing is something that can easily and quickly calm one's nervous system. Take one or two minutes and focus on your breathing. Slowly take in as much air as possible in your chest and stomach when breathing inward. Most people start by breathing in and out for a count of 3 seconds, then increase as is comfortable. To ensure you breathe fully, position one hand over your heart and the other on your stomach. Placing your hands here helps ensure you breathe from both areas, among other benefits. Try this now and notice how you feel before and after taking a minute to "breathe."

Doing this at regular intervals throughout the day can help you and your child decrease tension and begin to enter a state of calm presence. Focused breathing is also beneficial at the end of the day while lying in bed to support the nervous system in calming down to rest for the night. This breathing exercise is also good during transitions, especially for our children who struggle with changes. Include time into your daily routine, like brushing your teeth, to take a few focused breaths.

When trying to fit in all of the therapies, household, work, and parenting duties into our day, we often never consider leaving time for fun, let alone scheduling time to play. Having fun and doing something we enjoy with our child and alone (or with another adult) is essential for our child's and our own mental health. So, choose something at least three times a week that you and your child can do together for "fun." It can take as little as 5 minutes or as long as an afternoon. You decide what works for you. And do not forget to schedule something fun for yourself.

We tend to focus on the problems in our lives rather than the solutions or what is going well in our lives. This way of thinking is natural, but that does not mean it is good for our mental health. Think of your emotional state when you think about something that excites you or something you love. Now think of a problem you have that will not go away. Can you feel the difference in your body when your mind focuses on something good versus something you are worried about or think you cannot change?

Sometimes we tend to focus on what our child cannot do more than on what our child can do. How does it make you feel when thinking about what your child cannot do? My guess is you may feel sad, worried, or depressed. Now think of something your child recently learned to do on their own. How do you feel when you think of this? When I began to focus more attention and energy on what my children did well, I felt better, and so did they. I do not ignore the areas my children need support in, but I also do not dwell on it because I would rather be in a happy, content, and loving state when with my children rather than a state of fear, worry, stress, guilt, and discouragement.

Each day look at and acknowledge the things your child accomplished, no matter how big or small, and lovingly recognize these moments. Give your child the confidence that he or she can do things. And give your worries some time off to focus on the good in your child.